A Halibut Incident
by TheDrabbleOfBlue
Summary: A crackfic where the monotony of a drab snowy day is broken by a duel of two lads using halibuts as their weapons.


Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series… Maybe in an alternate dimension, I do.

A/N: This one is from a prompt by frustratedstudent, having two characters duel with halibut since we were discussing about the pointlessness of 'honor' duels back in the past.

Enjoy!

 **A Halibut incident**

It is the middle of January and the snow still blankets the Hogwarts ground, just as the trio finish their fourth period class on Defense against the Dark Arts. As they opened the doors to their common room full of red and gold, the bleak and dreary atmosphere engulfs them, momentarily dimming their hopes of an uneventful rest. A random dementor could be seen gliding on top of the forbidden forest from time to time, adding to the gloom.

Suddenly a loud bang is heard and two cheering charms hit Harry and Ron. Fred skips towards Harry and George walks towards Ron then the twins hands them a large piece of flat fish.

"Harry old chap, I think it's time to liven up the place, eh? Isn't that right George?" George suggests and Fred adds, "Good thinking Fred! Ron, be a good brother and duel Harry with this halibut, alright?"

Under the effects of the well cast cheering charm, Ron and Harry giddily chuckle at the thought while the twins nudge Hermione away from the center of the common room. Her tense muscles and tired eyes betray the usual scary façade she has for the twins' antics.

"You two, I'm going to tell Professor McGonnagal about it." Hermione threatens but she is unable to get away with George placing an arm on her shoulder good-naturedly.

"Place needs to brighten up, Hermione. It's quite alright Hermione. No one's really going to get hurt by this. We made sure of it, wizard's honor even." Fred quips, as they hear the start of the magically induced duel. "Besides, you look like you need a bit of humoring too."

"Have at thee, Ron! _"_ Harry exclaims, chuckling while backhanding the halibut to Ron, who dodges and retaliates with a slap of the fish hitting Harry's arm. " _En garde,_ Harry! _"_

As the 'duel' was going on, Hermione shook her head in exasperation and decides to ask, "How did you get fish in the first place?"

"It's a trade secret that a sweet innocent girl such as yourself need not know for now. However, if you start pranking with us, we might just let you into the secret." George responds sagely, seeing the amused looks from the weary seventh years on the far corner, the wistful glance of Ginny at Harry, and the assorted chuckles of the two laughing duellers.

" _The house elves sure are good at finding what we need, as long as it doesn't cost galleons to find."_ Fred tells himself as chunks of fish litter around Ron and Harry's faces.

As the fishes slowly break off, the door opens and reveals Minerva McGonnagal, who suddenly exudes all of her tartan fury. "What is the meaning of this?"

It snaps the cheering charms off and the look of dread appears on the faces of the combatants. Harry notices the fish still on his hand and just as the two duellers were about to open their mouth, Hermione catches Minerva's attention and says, "It's the twins fault, professor."

"Looks like it's our time to dash out of here Gred"

"Indeed, Forge!"

And the two twins scamper off running out of the common room with Minerva chasing after them and shouting, "I'll have your heads Mr. Fred and George Weasley!"

Hermione comes near them, just as Harry and Ron drop their fish before shaking her head and laughing melodiously at the two who are covered with fish chunks and slime. It lightens the weight on her shoulders and she cleans up the two with a spell. "Get to the bath already. You two stink."

Harry and Ron give each other a look and begin to inch closer to Hermione, who catches on to their plan and decides to run away from her two best friends and their attempt to get her smelling like fish too.

Crookshanks looks at the running humans and purrs in amusement at their laughter before tucking into a piece of fresh fish on the floor, courtesy of Fred and George Weasley.


End file.
